Americans are in shock after late-night talk shows were forced to shut down amid a writer’s strike, revealing the fact that late-night shows actually had writers. “Wait, wait, wait… someone’s actually writing this stuff? Like, on purpose?” said one local man upon hearing the news. “I always assumed these monologues and bits were being written by a pack of brain-damaged weasels, or a herd of angry liberal geese, or maybe Jen Psaki. What a surprise!”

Sources say The Tonight Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, The Late Show, and The Late Late Show will all take a hiatus until the industry comes to an agreement with the Writers Guild of America. Until then, late-night writers will be forced to pour all their political hatred and malice into tweets, blog posts, and calls to their Trump-supporting parents in exchange for no money.

“I hope they come back soon,” said universally beloved entertainer and comedian Jimmy Kimmel. “I need them to help me find new and creative ways to say things like: ‘I hate Ron DeSantis and I hope he dies.’ The show can’t go on without them!”

At publishing time, the shows had been put back on the air after hosts realized they could easily just open their show by reading from Karine Jean-Pierre’s press conference notebook.