SACRAMENTO, CA — In an ongoing effort to reduce the state’s carbon footprint, Governor Gavin Newsom announced California will require all toddler racecar beds to be entirely electric by the year 2030.
“Kids are literally spending eight to ten hours every night in a race car,” Newsom told reporters. “The environmental impact of such horrific negligence is incalculable. This insanity ends today.”
The initiative, which will cost an estimated $800 million, will force parents to submit documentation proving that all racecar beds are electric. “We’re starting with racecar beds, but we aren’t going to stop there,” said Newsom. said. “Next, I’ll tackle the scourge of racecar shopping carts that assuredly kill billions of trees every year. No child will ever steer a racecar down the produce aisle on my watch. California will always be on the forefront of these real, practical climate solutions.”
Tommy Jones, a 3-year-old racecar bed owner, was excited to hear about the proposed initiative. “My bed goes vroom!” said Tommy, his mouth full of cheese.
At publishing time, Governor Newsom had proposed another $500 million initiative to ensure that all Hot Wheels cars are one-hundred-percent electric.