California lottery officials have provided details regarding the latest Powerball winner. A Hispanic and long-time California resident named Vladimiro Zelensko is reported to have won the whopping $1.7 billion Powerball lottery.
“Hola! I am muy happy for this small sum of money,” said the very Mexican-looking Zelensko while holding a giant novelty check for photographs. “This may sound weird, but I could use even muy more denaros for, um, charitable works for my poor amigos in war-ravaged Ukraine. Bless their hearts, hombre.”
Just then, his dark mustache fell off and a child in the audience pointed and yelled, “Hey, that looks kinda like Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky, what a peculiar coincidence, since he is constantly receiving scantly-traceable funds for the war in Ukraine while many working-class Americans are spending hundreds more per month just to keep food on the table!”
Everyone laughed and patted the small child on the head, then continued to congratulate the Hispanic lottery winner as he replaced his mustache.
At publishing time, due to inflation, Vladimiro Zelensko had spent his entire winnings just to pay for travel back to his hometown of Kyevadillo.