After years of denying the existence of his 7th grandchild, a 4-year-old girl named Navy, Biden has now announced he will be making it up to the youngster by making her the head of one of his Ukrainian shell companies.
“It was wrong of me to disown my own grandchild,” said Biden after several political consultants held focus groups that determined it was wrong for him to disown his grandchild. “To make up for the lost years, I will be naming little Navy the CEO of a very important little company called Міжнародні пральники, which is in charge of laundering millions in US foreign aid and sending it back to my family! There is no one more qualified to take care of this for me! Atta girl, sweetie!”
Biden was then lured away from the microphone with an ice cream cone by a handful of desperate aides.
Navy will be assuming control of Міжнародні пральники at the end of this week in exchange for $80,000 and a box of Goldfish crackers per month. As a condition for this arrangement, Navy must agree to never admit she’s related to Hunter Biden.
At publishing time, Navy had been let go from her position after accidentally spending 3 million dollars of foreign aid money on a mobile children’s game on her mom’s iPad.