In an ongoing dispute regarding the new illuminated “X” sign installed atop the former Twitter headquarters, city officials have now demanded Elon Musk have the sign removed because it is distressing to the people who are pooping on the sidewalk outside.
“The sign makes public defecation far too stressful,” said San Francisco Mayor London Breed. “Our citizens have the right to feel totally at ease when they are dropping their pants and laying cable in the streets. That infernal ‘X’ sign is causing them too much stress to have the peaceful public pooping experience they deserve.”
The San Francisco residents reached for comment confirmed the presence of the sign had an unsettling effect on their outdoor defecation habits. “Do you know how it feels to try and pinch a loaf on the sidewalk when there’s an enormous ‘X’ hanging over your head?” asked homeless miscreant Clayton Rookstool. “It’s officially stressed me out enough that I can’t go. So, tell me, where am I supposed to poop now? Indoors somewhere, by myself, where nobody can see me? No thanks!”
San Francisco’s leaders continue to maintain the presence of Musk’s new sign is “highly disturbing” and disrupting the city’s normal flow of public defecation, unprosecuted theft, and randomly discarded drug syringes. Removal of the sign, officials say, will allow the city to return to the status quo.
At publishing time, Elon Musk had proposed a compromise in which he would replace the “X” sign with a giant, illuminated poop emoji.