Following a change in the Senate’s informal dress code, aging senators were excited to show up to work Monday in their hospital gowns. “This is awkward,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnel said when he noticed dozens of senators wearing the same exact thing. “One of us has got to change.”
Officially, loosening the Senate’s informal dress code was motivated by a need to accommodate Sen John Fetterman’s famous hoodie and sweatpants. However, sources confirm Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer had an ulterior motive — he prefers the comfort and convenience of a hospital gown.
“I wear the gown under my normal clothes so I can change into them quickly. Like a superhero,” Schumer said. “But now I can drop the facade and just be me. It’s loose-fitting so you can have easy access to my backside to administer vaccines, suppositories, and other medications. It’s great!”
Bernie Sanders confirmed that the new dress code allows him to live a truth he previously hid from the world. “The gown is open in the back. It’s very breezy, which I like,” he said. “Ooooo, I feel it now.”
Sen Lindsey Graham, however, bucked the hospital gown trend by dressing in drag. “It’s time for Lindsey Graham 3.0!” he said. “Fabuloooouuuus!”
At publishing time, the policy had been quickly reversed after Rand Paul showed up in his buffalo hat.