The Federal Bureau of Investigation announced today it has arrested the Air Force One stairs and charged them with a plot to assassinate the president. “After an extensive investigation, we now believe stairs are a credible threat to the President’s life,” said FBI spokesperson Ed Leslie. “Suspicion arose after repeated incidents in which the president nearly lost his life entering Air Force One. We are proud to say the threat has been neutralized.”
Reports indicate the Air Force One stairs have been transferred to an undisclosed location where they are being detained for further questioning. Sources within the Department of Justice disclosed further details from the investigation. “This plot goes deep,” one insider said under the condition of anonymity. “We have reason to believe these stairs have ties to dangerous organizations like the Proud Boys, which would fall in line with the stairs’ radical, right-wing extremist ideology.”
The White House declined to discuss the arrest in detail but did offer a brief comment. “These stairs were a holdover from the previous administration,” Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said. “This may provide insight into the motivation to attack President Biden. Anything that was involved with President Trump is a dangerous threat to democracy itself.”
At publishing time, additional federal charges were being filed against the Air Force One stairs after new eyewitness reports surfaced of the stairs being present at the U.S. Capitol riots on January 6, 2021.