10 Perfect Candidates To Replace Tucker Carlson

Daily Report USA

The world of political media is still reeling from the shocking news of Tucker Carlson being let go, but as with anything in the fast-paced business of cable news, the show must go on. Fox News has yet to reveal any plans regarding who or what may fill Carlson’s vacated nightly prime-time spot, but the channel will surely attempt to hit a home run with its decision.

The Babylon Bee has compiled a list of absolutely perfect candidates for Tucker’s replacement:

  1. Lizzo: She’s landing massive cameos in shows like The Mandalorian, so it would be a big deal for Fox to land such a huge, huge, very huge star.
  2. David French: He’s the fearless, stalwart guardian of true conservatism.
  3. A robot anchorman who will thoughtlessly read the teleprompter verbatim: No opinions, just push the narrative, got it?
  4. A Tomahawk missile with an American flag painted on it: ‘MURICA!
  5. A black mermaid: When you’re getting rid of a white male, you replace him with a black female. Those are the rules now.
  6. Adam Kinzinger: If Fox wants to go the emotional tear-jerker route, there’s no one better suited to weep on television.
  7. Hot blonde female anchor Tucketta Cartson: Wow. She’s gorgeous. Where have we seen her before?
  8. Volodymyr Zelensky: This would be the best choice for the good of Ukraine, er, America.
  9. Liz Cheney: Fox would be silly not to hire the most popular politician in history.
  10. John Bolton’s mustache: Facial hair is still in style, and this facial hair is on a mission to start some wars.

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