Following the news that President Joe Biden is in favor of developing methods to combat global warming by preventing the sun from shining on the earth, White House officials have announced one potential solution being discussed involves blocking out the sun by using your mom.
“We have reason to believe your mom is so fat she can block out the sun,” said history-making black gay White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. “If these reports are in fact true, then your mom may be a great help to the American people and the global population as a whole.”
Experts believe that despite the gargantuan task of attempting to block out the sun’s rays, your mom is large enough to accomplish the feat. “Our reports indicate your mom is so fat she’s on both sides of your family tree,” said Dr. Rick Deckard, an astrophysicist at NASA working on the project for the Biden administration. “And if it is correct that your mom is so fat that it would take Thanos two snaps to make her disappear, she may be the ideal candidate to help us with our mission.”
The plan was hailed by climate change activists as a step in the right direction. “We’ve got to save this planet one way or another,” said Bob Falfa of global warming awareness group Destroy the Sun Now. “If your mom is so fat they found Biden’s classified documents in the folds of her skin, we need her to use her size for the good of all mankind.”
At publishing time, government officials were attempting to get your mom on board by taking her out for dinner, where she gets the group discount even when she’s eating by herself.