Parents around the world live in crippling fear of their children becoming fans of Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, which is a dark road that can lead to misogyny and fascism. If you suspect your baby is being indoctrinated by Jordan Peterson, it’s important to recognize the signs.
- He rejected the tyrannical confines of the womb: The escape is followed by a sojourn in the desert, aimless, confused, and deprived.
- He cries a lot: Does your baby cry on a daily basis? Several times each day, perhaps? Guess what–so does Jordan Peterson. Big red flag right there, bucko.
- His first words were “Archetypical themes are archetypical because they actually speak of the structure of human experience”: If he’s already philosophizing instead of saying “Mama” or “Dada,” it’s time to be concerned.
- He cleans his crib: A newborn taking the initiative to clean up his crib is a powerful metaphor that he is taking control of his life.
- He reads his children’s picture Bible but says that Adam and Eve represent the dualistic nature of order and chaos present within each of us: Just read it and take it for what it says, kid. Sheesh.
- Finishes breastfeeding session by shouting “Up yours, woke bottle feeders!”: We’ll see who nurses who.
- Tells his grandmother “Sorry, not beautiful.”: And no amount of authoritarian cheek-pinching is going to change that.
- He only eats meat-flavored baby food: You want him to eat vegetables? It’s like, NO!
If your baby is exhibiting any of the signs listed above, take swift action immediately!