Day: February 9, 2023

BREAKING VIDEO: Did Twitter Executives Admit To Breaking Federal Election Laws During Congressional Hearing?

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Yes, according to Republican Representative Byron Donalds during a Congressional hearing on Wednesday. The hearing was focused on the censorship of Hunter Biden’s laptop story in 2020 by the former Twitter executives. Key Takeaways: Representative Byron Donalds accused the former Twitter executives of breaking federal election laws by censoring the Hunter Biden laptop story He … Read more

Fundamentalist Christians Delighted Liberals Finally Agree With Them About Harry Potter

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After years of warning that the witchcraft in Harry Potter is an existential danger to the youth, fundamentalist Christians are delighted to hear that liberals are now warning that the Harry Potter books represent an existential danger to the youth and should be burned. “We are grateful our liberal friends have condemned this wickedness – on Saturday at Central … Read more

Oh No! Israelite Lamb Realizes He Doesn’t Have Any Spots Or Blemishes

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A young sheep in Israel was left horrified today after it suddenly dawned on him that he was, in fact, a young male lamb without any spots or blemishes, giving him every indication that his life would end at a very early age. “The realization hit me like a ton of bricks,” the lamb said. … Read more

LeBron James Breaks NBA All-Time Flopping Record

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The NBA has confirmed that in addition to setting a new scoring record, LeBron James has broken the record for the largest number of flops in basketball history. “This is the stuff of legends,” said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. “Mr. James has sailed past previous records set by Reggie Miller, Vlade Divac, and Dick Van … Read more

In Shocking Turn Of Events, Republicans Think Biden Did Terrible Job, Democrats Think Was Best Speech Ever

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The political world was upended Tuesday following President Biden’s SOTU speech when it was revealed Republicans and Democrats were surprisingly divided on his performance. Republicans claim that Biden’s speech was reprehensible and “the worst thing to come out of our nation since parachute pants,” while Democrats believe it to be the best speech given by … Read more

Biden Assures American Public Ukraine Has Never Been Stronger

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People across the nation breathed a sigh of relief as President Joe Biden used his State of the Union address to assure the American people that Ukraine is making tremendous progress and is stronger than it has ever been before. “These are uncertain times,” Biden said to the assembled members of Congress and other national … Read more

12 Rich People Tell Us Their #1 Investment

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Investing your money is tough when your savings account can’t even keep up with inflation. How are we supposed to avoid abject poverty? Fear no more lower-to-middle-class folks! Drawing on the wisdom of 12 wealthy investors, we uncovered strategies to help everyday people protect their wealth in times of uncertainty and inflation. Try out these … Read more

AOC Insists There Are No Hysterectomies Performed On Minors Because Most Of Them Are Too Busy In The Mines

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During a tense Congressional Hearing, deductive polymath Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez put a widespread conspiracy theory to rest when she vocally insisted that there were no hysterectomies being performed on minors because most of them are too busy working in the mines anyway. The truth-filled gavel drop utterly destroyed the claim by conservatives that the Boston … Read more

Restored Republic via a GCR: Update as of February 9, 2023

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Restored Republic via a GCR: Update as of February 9, 2023: Four B notification to set exchange redemption appointments was still expected at any time and perhaps by Wednesday, 8 February. RV funds were released and began processing over last weekend. A very high source has indicated that funding would be liquid for all tears … Read more

Restored Republic via a GCR Update as of February 9, 2023

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Four B notification to set exchange redemption appointments was still expected at any time and perhaps by Wednesday, 8 February. RV funds were released and began processing over last weekend. A very high source has indicated that funding would be liquid for all tears this week. Massive earthquakes believed caused by the Cabal were happening … Read more