The U.S. State Department has issued its highest level of travel advisory, Level 4, urging American citizens to immediately leave Russia due to the ongoing war with neighboring Ukraine and the risks of harassment and wrongful detention for U.S. citizens. Key Takeaways: U.S. government issues Level 4 travel advisory for Russia American citizens advised to … Read more
Residents of a small Ohio town have been forced to evacuate after a deadly spill of vinyl chloride and butyl acrylate chemicals from a train derailment caught fire and destroyed surrounding farmland, waterways, and livestock. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was quick to respond, promising to investigate the tragedy for signs of racism. “First of all, … Read more
Following a fourth report of an unidentified object being shot down across North America, U.S. military leadership and the North American Aerospace Defense Command have announced increased monitoring of North American skies. In unrelated news, this Canadian goose is getting suspicious that an F-18 is following him. “That wild-eyed F-18 pilot just made the same … Read more
After an exciting, hard-fought, back-and-forth gridiron battle between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs, the NFL proudly announced that the referees had been named MVP of the Super Bowl LVII. “This continues a longstanding tradition in our league,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell when presenting the award. “The officiating crew truly embodies what … Read more
In a last-minute address to a concerned nation, Biden assured the American public that he will confront the current alien invasion once he has successfully defeated hotel junk fees. “Listen, folks, I know our air force is busy shooting down flying saucers and whatnot, but these junk fees have gotta go. Not a joke!” said … Read more