In a stunning reversal, Congresswoman Lauren Boebert of Colorado has reportedly decided not to spend eternity in Heaven after finding out there won’t be firearms there. The lawmaker made her choice following a disappointing conversation with her pastor. “It just doesn’t seem right to me that there won’t be any guns there,” Boebert said grimly. … Read more
The American Academy of Pediatrics has announced new recommendations for treating childhood strep throat using puberty blockers. According to sources, the new guidelines came after repeated requests from Pfizer, Planned Parenthood, and a small mob of blue-haired people outside threatening to burn down their Illinois headquarters. Giving puberty blockers to kids with strep throat is … Read more
The U.S. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona will be delivering America’s first-annual “State of the Groomers” speech this evening, sources say. “I will be speaking tonight from the hallowed halls of the Department of Education to reassure Americans that the state of our grooming is strong,” said Cardona. “Public School teachers have dedicated their lives … Read more
Local authorities have issued a Silver Alert after several on Capitol Hill reported seeing a lost old man yelling incoherently at people. The subject is described as an elderly man about 6 feet tall with silver-colored hair plugs and dentures. Caretakers confirmed the man has late-stage dementia and must be returned to a caretaking facility … Read more
Restored Republic via GCR: Update as of February 8, 2023: On Sunday 5 February afternoon, I received information from a very high up source who said that Iraq RV’d last week and such would soon be officially announced. They also indicated that over this past weekend, RV funds began processing with reno started on Saturday, … Read more
On Sunday 5 February afternoon, I received information from a very high up source who said that Iraq RV’d last week and such would soon be officially announced. They also indicated that over this past weekend, RV funds began processing with reno started on Saturday, four of February. This coming week, funding would be available … Read more